No more excuses

Well, here it is the 18th of July, and I no longer have any reasonable excuses as to why I haven't been writing.

At first, when we arrived in town, there was the usual hectic pace of trying to get everything sorted out. As well (for a short-lived period) I was a blooming socialite with more dates on my calendar than one person can reasonably manage. I am not bragging, just rather taken aback by it all.

However, things are settling at this point, and I find myself wasting mindless hours on Facebook. So, if I'm going to be staring at a computer screen, I might as well be doing something that is (somewhat) worthwhile.

It's just that I seem to be devoid of ideas at this point.

I am past the excitement of being here.

I am no longer "just back" (i.e. the invites out are lessening).

And I still feel my heart is wasted....(still not willing to explain further).

I have recently reconnected with an old friend, and am now in the sticky situation of trying to figure out a way to tell him I'm not into him "that way". He's a lovely man, and I know he thinks the world of me. He's wanting to make all these plans (with the kids) and my mind is screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, this is a repeat of last summer!"
**For those of you who are not familiar, last summer I became involved in a somewhat brief relationship (thankfully) in which the man became TOO enamoured with me, and asked me to marry him within weeks.....needless to say, I found my way out of that one pretty quickly. He didn't take it well. But yes, I still am, and most likely always will be, a commitment-phobic person. That particular proposal was number 4. Yes, many psychiatric specialists would love to get a hold of me.

But I digress.

The current man is one from many years ago (as in predates my hair experimenting.....so what is that? Fifteen years ago?)

But I've never been one to go back (usually). There is a reason why such people are in your past.

"I have been a selfish being my entire life" (Austen) and I recognize the fault in myself. However, I have my life, and I am just not willing to share more than I am comfortable with anyone.

Which, given that this writing is done in a fairly public fashion, is at odds with this practice.

However, I'm rambling at this point, and therefore bid you goodnight.