The most fun you can have by yourself

Is apparently writing (according to Terry Pratchett anyway), whose books I've been reading of late.

Particularly, Small Gods, which has struck a chord with me. But I will save the rant on organized religion at this point...

Suffice to say, many of the statements made in this novel made me smile, and say, "I am not alone in my thinking after all!"

In any case, no, I have not fallen off the face of the earth. Quite the contrary actually. I am not so vain as to think that you are checking on a regular basis just to see what I have to say, hanging off my every word, but if you are, I apologize for my negligence. But if you know anything about me, you know it's simply par for the course. I have become sodden with the every day routine of kiddies, relatives and simple ho hum boredom.

Nothing has lit a spark to encourage that poetic side of me.

However tonight I went to listen to an old friend sing at a local bar. Her words struck me, haunted me, reverberated in my brain, and made me want to write.

I am at this point listening to her cd, which I purchased before leaving.

"All the ladies dance and swoon to the war bride's tune".....

And thinking of that (of whom?) which *(whom) I do not dare mention here, because mainly I am chicken to open up completely in such a public fashion, but yes, still hovers around and muddles my thoughts, and confuses me, and both hurts and enures me to pain. Does that make sense? If it does, please tell me, because it certainly doesn't for me.

Two nights ago I had "the hag". Anyone who grew up around Newfoundland understands that this is a particularly frightening form of nightmare in which you wake in the middle of it, but your body is completely paralyzed. You are stone, except for your eyes, and the terror that fills you. You feel you are awake, but have absolutely no way of moving or comforting yourself, and whatever was terrifying you in your dream lingers to frighten you that much more, while you are awake.

It was the second time in my life this has happened.

The first time was in 1999. In the middle of the day, when I had dozed off. I still remember it clearly.

The terror has not receded much.

So, needless to say, my sleep has not been that great for the past couple of days. Makes me kinda nervous to close my eyes.

Yes, I am a chicken.