The gypsy that I am

After one of my characteristic lapses in writing, here I am again to spin out some of the musings of my (often) overcrowded mind.

As can be seen in the development of this blog, I seem to be floundering about, and trying to grab hold of something that seems to be just beyond my grasp, as though creating definition will somehow provide a hitherto unknown purpose to the otherwise seemingly episodic nature of my life.

As of now, I am content.

That is not to say that there are things I wouldn't like to change in my life. Far from it rather. There are always present things that one would prefer to be altered. However, I am consciously choosing to focus on the pleasing aspects of my existence.

With that said, it is difficult to maintain this perspective, when the repeated refrain from family and friends is, "So, have you found someone YET?"

Yes, I am 29 and single. No, I have never maintained a lasting, meaningful relationship. Yes, I do have two children.

While this sometimes plays on my mind (usually after a drawn out conversation during which I have -- again-- explained that there is no one in my life, and there is no one I am particularly drawn to at this time) I recognize the fact that all in all I rather enjoy the relative freedom my life offers.

I have two children that I am ultimately responsible for, and must consider in all endeavours. Other than that, I can continue with my gypsy-ish life, having to be accountable to no one other than myself.

There is something to be said in that.

Someone once told me that they didn't want to see me at 60, alone and lonely.

Maybe that day will come. Maybe I will be alone and lonely.

But during those lonely hours, at least I can look back and say that I was true to myself, and experienced what I thought was important, without having to compromise and sacrifice. There will be no one to begrudge anything, no one to blame, no one to resent for missed opportunities.

There is certainly something to be said in that.